People keep trying to get a reaction from a narcissist:
Recently, I read a blog about how to get back at a narcissist, and it reminded me of how often people have asked me about how to affect a narcissist in some way. I’ve been asked how you might make a narcissist feel jealous, or weak, or frightened; how to hurt them, or how to get them to feel sorry.
All of these questions have a fundamental problem, which is that their purpose is to affect the narcissist. These questions demonstrate that the questioner doesn’t understand the true nature of the narcissist, which is that they don’t care about anyone else and that they’re incapable of being moved by another person’s pain.
If you’ve wondered how you might affect a narcissist who has hurt you, the first thing you should understand is that if you try to make a narcissist scared, weak, jealous, or sorry, you’re likely to have one of two reactions: either they’ll be utterly unmoved, or they’ll get angry at you.
In a case where they’re unmoved, you’ve just wasted your valuable time and energy trying to get a reaction out of someone unable to care about you or to feel any remorse for having hurt you.
Supposing that you anger the narcissist, you’re bringing down a lot of trouble on your head, as people with this type of personality disorder are likely to go to great lengths to punish those who make them mad.
Narcissistic Rage:
True narcissists cannot tolerate being provoked and they have what’s called narcissistic rage, which is an intense fury, accompanied by the need to punish those who have offended them.
It’s a bad idea to make a narcissist mad. You do not need an individual who is devoid of empathy or remorse to be coming after you with vengeance on their mind.
Another thing to consider is why you are so keen on getting the narcissist to have some type of reaction. If a narcissist has hurt you, trying to get them sad or mad or weakened or frightened or jealous is not the way for you to feel better.
The way to feel better after having been hurt by a narcissist has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you. If you want to heal after having been injured in some way by a narcissist, you will need to do these three things:
The three steps to healing from an injury by a narcissist:
1: Get away from the narcissist. Don’t communicate with them. Don’t respond to any communications from them. Cut off all contact completely. If they have hurt you before, they will hurt you again, no matter how much you hope or wish that they’ll change. There is nothing in it for you to maintain any sort of contact with them.
2: Ask yourself how you got caught in the clutches of a narcissist. There’s a lot of learning here for you; especially if you don’t want to repeat your mistakes. Think about your childhood experiences. Was there a narcissistic parent or another important adult when you were growing up who gave you the impression that this type of behaviour was to be expected? If you have a pattern of choosing narcissistic friends, lovers, or bosses, you’ll probably need to work through this pattern in psychotherapy.
3: Do the work of emotional healing. If you’ve been injured by a narcissist, you’ll need to grieve your losses, then comfort yourself with positive (as opposed to dysfunctional) self-soothing. Seek out supportive people to help you feel better, then engage in positive activities to bring you meaning and fulfillment. Finally, let go of your hurt and angry feelings, and move on.
Trying to get a narcissist to see, feel, or do things, is a colossal waste of your time. They aren’t going to respond in a normal way because they’re not like normal people; you risk angering them and gaining an enemy for life.
The best thing to do with a narcissist is to grieve your losses, learn your lessons, and get on with your life. Anything else is not a good choice.
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